I can't be fired, slaves are sold.

Here are my answers to yesterday's voice messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Tommorow at 5pm. Duct tape and piano wire. Tonight's safety word will be banana. No. Thank you.

Depression n. - Anger without enthusiasm.

Obstruction of justice? No sir, I prefer to think of it 'avoiding complications'.

Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it :P

If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague.

36 years old is significant, because at 36 you can sleep with someone half your age and not go to jail.

If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression.

I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy.

Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Ignorance

Take responsibility of your own ignorance, do not place blame on others intelligence for your own shortcomings.

Vagenda

Vagenda : A vagina with an agenda.

Content with silence

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence. ~Ansel Adams

Kiss my Ass

"You have ONE advantage over me..... You can kiss my ass and I can't!"

One day closer

One day closer to actually giving a shit, maybe...

"Conscience Off, Dick On!"

Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off.

"You know the way I see it is the more people that hate me, the less I have to get a long with." ;)

money on women

I spent 90% of my money on women & drink. The rest I wasted!!

Shroomy

Shroomy!!! @ Home (via Loopt)

http://loopt.us/m1Vlcw.fbfeed

Gleneden Beach Day

What was i doing again? Aww who cares it is nice out. @ Gleneden Beach (via Loopt) http://loopt.us/OoB_nA.f (PIC)

Tonsils

Two sperm were swimming along number one said "how much longer till we get to the ovaries?" number two said "fucking ages because we just passed the tonsils"

To whom it may concern...

True Sarcasm

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”

I agree

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” Oscar Wilde

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out until the computer says you're out of it.

Small Town

I'm not saying I live in a small town, but if I go out, get wasted and forget everything I did I can be 100% certain every other fucker hasn't forgot!

Nauseous and way too much weight loss

I can’t put on weight no matter how hard I try, I keep losing it. I lost another 5 lbs in a little under a week I am down to 210 now. My doctors are worried but when are they not. I keep losing muscle not fat and that is never good. They say I have to gain at least 15 lbs in about 2 weeks. If I don’t and I continue to lose weight they say it will be an extended stay in the clinic. I am nauseous every day and for the most part the only time I am not is when I am sleeping. I get car sick now every time I go somewhere. I made a mess of mom’s car the other day, just the outside of it but still. I get myself by, I sleep about 18 hrs a day, I just started waking up and having to run to the bathroom before I get sick. Just another issue I have to overcome.
I saw a coworker I used to work with up in Seattle. He didn’t recognize me at all, to use his words I look sickly thin. He said it jokingly but I know it is true. He has known about my health he is just in shock about how I look. Looking into the mirror I look as rail thin as I did in school. Well I still have a little more in the belly area but so much less then I have been in 5 yrs. I don’t want to have to spend more time in the clinic. I need to get a good friend to talk to. That is going to be tough I have pushed away every friend I had. I was so scared in the beginning I pushed everyone away. Now I regret that emotion taking control of me, now I live with it.

More trouble with the meds they gave me

Just great another drug they have had me on is in the papers!!! It happens to coincide with my more recent health problems. UGH!!!

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/02/20/avandia.study/index.html?eref=rss_topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+rss/cnn_topstories+(RSS:+Top+Stories)

Too much weight loss?

Wow, I am now getting flack from my doctors about loosing too much weight. It seems they are not happy that I have lost 65 pounds in the last 4 months. I am now at 218 lbs I took a peak at the scale while at the clinic. I am so much pain now days it makes it hard to want to work out. They had me on 160 mg of Oxycodone & 20 mg of Roxanol in the morning and in the evenings. Even with all these pain meds the nerve pain is still teeth grating. Though I am not on them now since they have worries about addiction and my weight loss.

In group we all have become close, we are the only ones that truly understand what we all are going through. I have lost three friends from group in the last 3 months. It is so hard not talking about it out side of group. I had a friend I hoped would understand, I don't think they ever did. I don't blame them, I envy them.

National Margarita Day!

Monday, February 22 is National Margarita Day!

Worried?

2007 year of the cow... Mad Cow disease
2008 year of the bird... Avian flu
2009 year of the pig... Swine flu
2010 year of the cock... anyone else worried?

Basis of Life

I have always felt the basis of everything in life is sexual, and I will maintain that to my dying day

Dog drifts 75 miles on ice, rescued in Baltic Sea

http://wtop.com/?nid=105&sid=1875358

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ7L0cZ1hZU&feature=player_embedded&hd=1

 A frightened, shivering dog was rescued after floating at least 75 miles (120 kilometers) on an ice floe down Poland's Vistula River and into the Baltic Sea, officials said Thursday. Now his saviors just have to figure out who really owns him.

Four people have already claimed him, but so far rescuers say there's been no wagging tail of joy from the miracle dog they nicknamed "Baltic."

The dog's frozen odyssey came as Poland suffers through a winter cold snap, with temperatures dipping to below minus 4 degrees Fahrenheit (minus 20 Celsius).

The thick-furred male dog was found adrift Monday 15 miles (24 kilometers) out in the Baltic Sea by the crew of the Baltica, a Polish ship of ocean scientists carrying out research.

Researcher Natalia Drgas said Thursday the rescue was difficult and at one point it seemed the dog had drowned.

"It was really a tough struggle. It kept slipping into the water and crawling back on top of the ice. At one point it vanished underwater, under the ship and we thought it was the end, but it emerged again and crawled on an ice sheet," Drgas said.

At that point, the crew lowered a pontoon down to the water and a crew member managed to grab the dog by the scruff of his neck and pull him to safety.

Too weak to shake off the frigid water, Baltic was dried and wrapped in blankets. After he warmed up, he was massaged, fed and soon got on his feet to seek company, Drgas said.

A firefighter in Grudziadz, on the Vistula river 60 miles (100 kilometers) inland from the Bay of Gdansk, told The Associated Press the dog was spotted Saturday floating on ice through the city. Firefighters tried to save him but could not approach the dog due to shifting ice sheets, said the officer, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

The Baltica crew, now moored in the port city of Gdynia, have been searching for the dog's owners, ship captain Jerzy Wosachlo said. So far four people have claimed him, but Baltic has not claimed any of them back, Drgas said.

The dog didn't welcome the first two people to come for him, keeping his distance and showing no recognition toward a couple on Wednesday and a woman on Thursday who both said he was theirs. Two other would-be owners were still en route to Gdynia for a possible reunion.

Once in port, the brown-and-black mongrel was taken to a veterinarian, who found him in surprisingly good condition and estimated his age at around 5 or 6 years old. Veterinarian Aleksandra Lawniczak said the 44-pound (20-kilogram) dog was clearly frightened but in strikingly good shape and had suffered no frostbite.

A dog with thick fur and a layer of fat can survive such cold conditions for as long as eight days if it has water to drink, Lawniczak said.

She described Baltic as a friendly dog who was clearly well treated before getting lost.

Wosachlo said the research team is prepared to adopt Baltic if his original owner is never found.

Long Day

So I spent the day with Steph and her family. We are both trying to cope with the loss of our baby. It is hard for us to even talk to each other about it. We are still friends but doubtful it will ever be anything more than that. We both had great times in Vegas and we both had fun with each other and others J The whole time we have been together I have been thinking about someone I have had in my mind for years. I told her about it and she understood but thought I was stupid for it.

In any event we had a great day and wished for each of us to heal quickly and promised to always remain friends. She thinks my decision to stop taking all the medications and to withdraw from the clinic is due to this. I tried to explain to her that this is a part of it but it is not the reason. I am going to live as much as I can and have no regrets as yet. It is rough right now, I have stopped taking my meds, all of them just plain cold turkey. No stepping down for this big boy.

I hope to find the courage to talk to that someone. I really hope that she is well, I hope she understands. I think my emotional state ruined everything we might have had. I have a funeral to attend today, Lisa from my dying with dignity group. I don’t want to go but I think it may be good for me

Ya Ya Ya

OK so with everything I have been going through I can say I think I have kind of gone crazy. I read my post and am shocked by the emotions there. They come in such a flood it is hard to fathom. I cry at just about everything and it is very annoying. I have stopped with my medications; I just want to be normal. Lisa a very sweet 17 yr old girl with lymphoma from my dying with dignity support group died yesterday. She just turned 17; it made me appreciate my time with all my friends and family.

 It made me stop feeling sorry for myself and to start wanting to live everyday for the day. My doctors say at the most I have 5 yrs with continuing treatments. With those treatments my ability to, well life a good life with be very hard. So it was my choice to say, I want to life as best I can and with no nasty side effects from all 16 different medications I am supposed to take every day. I don't know how much longer I will be here, but I am going to be living it up as much as I can.

I give

I can't stand this, I hate being alone and having no one to share with. I hate not being able to get that embrace of love. I have lost my friends & everyone I have loved. I am withdrawing from the clinic next week. The treatments have failed anyways. All they can do for me is try to extend my existence. The depth of my despair is great. I stopped taking all medications a week ago. I hope it has the intended effects because I just wish for this all to end and end now.

It may be I am just meant to fade away....

It may be I am just meant to fade away.... I love my friends (all 2 of them) I love my family. In time you will all understand I was trying to cope with and unmeasurable weight.

I am weaker then I have ever been. The doctors say it is normal; I am trying not to tear up here. They say it is progressing in the direction they hoped it wouldn't. I speak here because in a way I am anonymous. No one reads my thoughts here. If they do they never acknowledge it, I kind of like it. I am sidetracked so easily now I think I just lost myself here for the last ten minutes, wow, anyway...

I have most everything in order. I have some conversations I still have to have before.. I have a few I miss and a few I could really use there strength... I am here but all ready gone...

I hate everyone and everything

So is it right for a child to be taken? Is is right for a child yet born? I have no faith anymore, I was only just starting to have faith. I was so looking forward to becoming a father. It was giving me hope I may get through my health troubles. The fact is I never thought I would be able to feel worse than I did before. I have hit bottom and now I am digging deeper. I hope to find a way out, I hate myself, life, everything and everyone. She should have been allowed to be born, she should have been allowed to know love.